This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
