So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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