I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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