Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
