i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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