I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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