you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
