trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
