He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize