dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
