Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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