How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize