Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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