yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
