STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
