Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize