I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
