I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my being single is dangerous.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
