Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
