Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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