the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
