I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
