My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The feeling are messing with the penis
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
