The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
