opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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