I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
