Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm too high and old for this...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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