That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
