you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
