I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
