the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
