a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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