why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I wish there were birth control emojis
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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