I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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