you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
