He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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