I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
