so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
