omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
