one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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