We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
