Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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