sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
