I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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