he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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