hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
