A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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