yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
