I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
