I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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