Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
