Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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