Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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