The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
