He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
