I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
