My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
