I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
