Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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