Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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