Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
