Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just forgot I was standing up.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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