He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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