Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
