i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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