we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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