I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
