is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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