My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
