yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
