Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
