there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
