So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think your dad took our porno
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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