my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
