Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
